Relationship tools seem important….
Yet, the essence of relating lies in non-judgmental curiosity.
This is a new idea for most of us and it’s simple but not easy.
It points to heart-centered listening.
When we learn to practice this approach with a heart-centered attitude, our relationship takes care of itself.
This clear concept can be written down in a few sentences and covers a lifetime.
It’s the seed for empathy, compassion and connection.
Relating is not so much about using tools to figure things out, rather it’s in how you approach the relationship itself.
When you show up curious and willing to observe with an open mind, things start to shift.
You show up moment by moment ensuring that you are not trying to change or control anyone or anything.
A little clumsy at first, you start to refine your approach and your attitude.
You withhold judgment and criticism (even the kind you consider constructive).
You observe yourself and stay present.
There will be challenges every day and some days will be easier than others.
You will have disagreeable conversations and have to work through them.
But over time, relating to your partner with curiosity becomes the new normal.
Together you explore, create new experiences, get comfortable and your relationship starts to change.
A great way to know if your relationship is going well is to start relating.
Now and then I reflect on something I heard John Gottmann say.
