Couples Counseling Articles

Relating

Some Thoughts On Relating

To relate:

  1. To bring into or establish association, connection or relation.
  2. To establish a social or sympathetic relationship with a person or thing.

Relating is for people who want to matter. In intimate partnerships it’s about protecting and supporting each other and is the essential ingredient for a fulfilling relationship.

When it’s missing, we’re disconnected and our relationships feel stuck. The stuck-ness is real. It’s undeniable truth, not just a metaphor. Stuck-ness triggers us and shows up in ways that will spin you around, take you down and drop you off in the middle of nowhere – lonely and confused.

That’s the power of emotional disconnection.

That peaceful, loving state we all strive for vanishes.

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The Relationship Dance

Sue Johnson, the world’s leading couples therapist and researcher talks about intimate relationship as a ‘dance that shapes and recreates the dancers’.

Relationship is about relating; ‘It’s a dance of synchrony requiring partners to improvise and tune in to each other’.

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For entertainment we watch movies where brilliant actors talk and pick up each other’s flawless cues.

They respond perfectly. Dreamily. Lovingly. That’s why we pay them $20 million a picture, after all.

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The Masters, The Disasters and Everyone in Between

key-to-happinessNow and then I reflect on something I heard John Gottmann say.

Gottman is one of the worlds leading researchers on marriage and I’m paraphrasing the man but, in essence, he said:

When it comes to couples and long-term committed relationships, there are the Masters, the Disasters……. and then there’s everyone in between…… brailling their way through.

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