Couples Counseling Articles

The Relationship Dance

Sue Johnson, the world’s leading couples therapist and researcher talks about intimate relationship as a ‘dance that shapes and recreates the dancers’.

Relationship is about relating; ‘It’s a dance of synchrony requiring partners to improvise and tune in to each other’.


For entertainment we watch movies where brilliant actors talk and pick up each other’s flawless cues.

They respond perfectly. Dreamily. Lovingly. That’s why we pay them $20 million a picture, after all.

They model the interaction humans long for most; connection.

It’s the ability to tune in and and share, in a meaningful way, with someone you love and have them respond in kind.

When that happens, you can make lots of mistakes and it’s no big deal.

Clumsy mishaps don’t tear at the fabric of your relationship.

When feelings get hurt, your partner doesn’t turn away, s/he turns toward.

Repair and concern are part of the dance and the magic of connection moves things along gently.

Your relationship is strong and it all seems to work out well.

Without connection, partners who love each other walk on eggshells and life seems a lot like a crisis waiting to happen.