Couples Counseling Articles

The Masters, The Disasters and Everyone in Between

key-to-happinessNow and then I reflect on something I heard John Gottmann say.

Gottman is one of the worlds leading researchers on marriage and I’m paraphrasing the man but, in essence, he said:

When it comes to couples and long-term committed relationships, there are the Masters, the Disasters……. and then there’s everyone in between…… brailling their way through.

The reason this comes to mind is because even though there are many learned scholars with tons of graphs and statistics about marriage and couples — in the world of human experience, there is no such thing as an expert.

Relationship or relating… is the gift of sharing perceptions and experiences and if we learn to move gracefully, think clearly, speak kindly and create things that matter…. we tap into something remarkable.

Marriage and relationship are not fixed or solid things. They’re fluid and human interaction is an experiment. Sometimes we get it right, other times we need a ‘do-over’.

Relating is a practice where sharing, receptivity and forgiveness are key.

Pretty simple stuff that sounds easy to do but it’s not. Lots of couples struggle because simple is difficult. It’s easy to make things complicated and messy….then there’s all that pain to deal with in the aftermath.

Look. We are in a time of profound change and some people know intuitively that getting our relationships right…. matters…. more than ever. If you’ve read this far, you are one of those people and that’s what makes you extraordinary.

happ-coupIn my last article, I shared a short video of a masterful couple demonstrating trust. They bordered on perfection in every way including their magnificent physiques!

Masterful relating isn’t always perfect, tidy or intense. Real world masterful couples have mishaps, give each other lots of room for mistakes and know how to use humor without hurting.

Check out this short video, of young couples doing the mundane task of assembling an IKEA desk. Pay special attention as the masterful couple talks about the qualities of their relationship.

Can you catch the five word phrase that truly sets them apart? (Hint: It’s just after the one-minute mark and…. probably not what you think it is.)

To make this fun, contact me via this form and send me the five word phrase and I’ll send a Starbucks gift card to the first person who gets it right.

Let’s see what happens.

I’m excited to hear from you!