Couples Counseling Articles

Pain

On Generosity

Whether thinking about what you’re going to do today, or for the rest of your life – generosity is a great place to start.

It’s different than tolerance which allows or endures.

Generosity is kind in spirit.

It leads to happiness and engagement in a world that appears increasingly unhappy and disconnected. 

Generosity requires effort and self-trust such that you can take your mind off yourself and your problems long enough to be present and see someone else’s pain.

​​​​​​​It takes guts and willingness to be generous.

It also takes emotional labor; enough that you’ll stay in the game when the biggest part of you wants to shut down and walk away. 

Please Say Yes!

How you tune in is how you Love.

You can take that as a statement, a suggestion or the opportunity of a lifetime.

How you tune in is how you live.

Can you stay present when you see pain in her eyes?

Can you hear her gasp for your tenderness?

Can you feel his pain when a good man says, I don’t know how to make you happy?

Only by tuning in. Observing. Honoring the longing.

Continue Reading Please Say Yes!

Can’t We Just Move On?

In relationships, it seems we find a temporary respite… once we figure out how to move away from an anxious moment.

We take the feeling and tuck it, stuff it, ignore it, shove it down, swallow it, absorb it, compartmentalize it, internalize it, pretend it doesn’t apply, hurt or matter.

We skillfully stiffen and blame……

Look the other way to keep from facing fears we don’t even acknowledge… or have words for.

And thanks to brilliant coping mechanisms, electronic devices, social media, 18 hour work days and a hyper-connected culture of friends… we can distract ourselves indefinitely. We call it… moving on.

But we don’t move on. Ever.

Continue Reading Can’t We Just Move On?

The Masters, The Disasters and Everyone in Between

key-to-happinessNow and then I reflect on something I heard John Gottmann say.

Gottman is one of the worlds leading researchers on marriage and I’m paraphrasing the man but, in essence, he said:

When it comes to couples and long-term committed relationships, there are the Masters, the Disasters……. and then there’s everyone in between…… brailling their way through.

Continue Reading The Masters, The Disasters and Everyone in Between