Couples Counseling Articles

Conversations

Are you swimming in the dark?

Even if you’re a great swimmer, you cannot see what’s ahead of you if you’re swimming in the dark. The path forward is unclear and more than a little scary. 

Leading in 2020 feels a lot like swimming in the dark. 

I believe that the acceleration of everything around us coupled with paralyzing uncertainty is forcing us to think, feel and act differently. And, to lead more courageously. 

It is more important than ever to challenge not only our thinking but our beliefs; preconceived notions of success, of the way things get done and the conversations that we have. 

As a leader, applying tried and true techniques hoping to inspire your team to perform and achieve results may be leaving you flat; as if something’s missing. Our trusted and familiar skill-set is our default…yet is proving ineffective in today’s environment. 

There’s a sense of disconnect with our teams. Some days even despondence. Old methods don’t seem to apply. 

The world has changed. We’ve changed. 

One thing I know for sure is that that disconnected employees statistically underperform; negatively affecting the customer experience, revenue & profits, your operation and culture. 

Bottom line, people perform based on how they feel.

What scientists know for sure today is that humans are hardwired for connection and …emotions drive behavior and performance. 

To positively impact engagement and other key performance indicators, this basic human understanding about our need for connection is foundational everywhere including the workplace. 

It needs the attention of leadership – at every level. 

How do your employees feel? It’s an uncomfortable question and sometimes difficult to talk about what’s really going on. Why? Because conversations like this require courage and for many, a new skill set. 

They require a new mind-set too because these conversations on the surface are usually pretty simple but difficult to implement. They require leaders to step into new and unfamiliar territory. 

The path to building a new culture of engagement and high performance starts you; with powerful yet uncomfortable conversations that reduce fear and build human connection. 

That’s why we’ve embarked on a new initiative – to focus on conversations that build Emotional Safety and Trust. We call it, The New Workplace Imperative

I do believe it’s time to lean into and facilitate some simple, illuminating conversations in the workplace that get to the heart of the matter. 

People want to know it’s safe to speak up and be curious, to make mistakes and to be vulnerable. They want to fit in and be a contributing member of the team, yet they may not know how. 

They’re likely to be swimming in dark waters too. 

This is a moment when leaders can build a culture, together with their team, through creative, game-changing conversations that reduce fear, increase trust and build human connections. 

When people feel connected, they feel safe…they can be creative, innovative and try new things.

This is the new emerging paradigm of PEOPLE FIRSTperformance, productivity and profit will follow

If this inspires you and you’d like to connect with other like-minded leaders to know more about Emotional Safety and Trust: The New Workplace Imperative, please visit: 

https://EmotionalSafetyAndTrust.com

We’ll be talking about this a lot in the new year!

FATIGUE IS REAL: Zoom Fatigue. Decision Fatigue. Pandemic Fatigue.

An HBR study of companies reporting high levels of exhaustion among their employees found Zoom fatigue, decision fatigue and pandemic fatigue to be very real!

The exhaustion, however, was caused by something unexpected.

People were exhausted because they were…lonely.

That’s what was bubbling up for people; feelings of fatigue and exhaustion coming from a sense of loneliness and isolation. I see it around me and the feelings of isolation are palpable.

We distance to protect ourselves, our family and friends.

It seems counter-intuitive and there are (or will be) real consequences to our relationships and emotional well-being.

As leaders, we get the sense that our team members are disconnected and feeling alone too as they face many challenges in front of them.

Most people are not talking very much about their emotional and psychological well-being.

Most leaders aren’t comfortable asking either. That’s the dilemma.

The most caring, cutting-edge leaders believe it’s vitally important to know how wide the gap is between what we think is going on and what’s really happening in people’s emotional lives.

When you are equipped to have these meaningful and sometimes uncomfortable conversations, people respond. Teams learn to trust and support each other. Together you build a culture others want to be part of.

That’s why we’ve embarked on offering Emotional Safety and Trust: The New Workplace Imperative as an online course. It’s a place where leaders will learn more about conducting meaningful conversations and using that knowledge with confidence.

If you would like to know more about applying the principles of Emotional Safety and Trust with your team, click here to read more:

https://EmotionalSafetyandTrust.com

The Perfect Lipstick

When you buy lipstick at a big box store, you’ll likely pay under $10 for a well-known brand made in a manufacturing plant somewhere far away.

If you go to a posh department store you can buy a deluxe brand for under $50 – likely made in that same plant.

When Neiman Marcus and Christian Louboutin offer up a Rouge Matte Lip Colour in a beautiful black box, they’re not selling you a $90 lipstick. They’re selling memorable, significant and over-the-top-notice-me.

And if you really want to scramble your brain you can go to Amazon and buy a Maybelline, drugstore brand, lipstick for over $165. (Nope. That is not a typo.)

The important thing to know is that within a fraction of a percentage point, all lipsticks contain the same ingredients. It’s not about where you buy lipstick or how much you pay, It’s about the story we tell ourselves and what we believe.

In the drawer, is one lipstick really better than the other? Is there really a right choice? It depends….on what texture and color you like, your skin tone, what you’re wearing that day and where you’re going. Maybe even your mood.

We choose. And because there is no absolute ranking, ‘preference’ is different than ‘right’.

This applies to just about everything in life… including intimate relationship.

How we use language, choose our words, our tone of voice, the conversations we decide to engage in…and whether or not we bring our best selves to the table.

Having an open heart and being in sync with our partner is always a choice.

Hold Me Tight® Workshop for Couples – Charlotte, NC – September 28 & 29

How do you want to feel in your relationship?

Safe? Warm? Respected? Understood? Cherished?

Whatever it is for YOU…. if you’re trying hard to make things better – you’re not alone.

We’re all pretty good about attending to our children, homes and careers. Yet when it comes to our primary relationship, most of us wing it and hope for the best. STOP!

What YOU want for your relationship is more important today than ever before.

It’s time to dig deep and think about the ONE thing that’s likely to make everything better.

You know what I’m talking about….connection.

It creates the kind of closeness you experience when you have important conversations…. without slipping into that dreaded negative spin.

Connection is a must-have for 21st century relationships and exactly what you’ll experience in our couples workshops.

Hold Me Tight® Workshop for Couples

2 Days – 7 Conversations

Join us on September 28 and 29!

The Wellness Center Counseling Hold Me Tight workshop

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Continue Reading Hold Me Tight® Workshop for Couples – Charlotte, NC – September 28 & 29

I’ve struggled with this too!

We all know falling in love is the easy part. Keeping love alive is the BIG challenge, right?

When we try to remake our parents relationship into our own or use them as relationship role models, it doesn’t work well for most of us. In part, because they lived less complicated lives with clear expectations in a very different era.

Still, it’s hard to let go of the image of perfection or how things should be.

Making room for the new means letting go of old expectations that end up building walls of resentment.

When we can say, this is OUR relationship – not my mother’s / not my father’s – we switch into the role of co-creator.

Consciously, we begin to sketch out what WE want this relationship to be and care enough to make it happen.

Our Hold Me Tight® Workshop for Couples (June 29 & 30) lays it all out there for you. Seven conversations over two days that have the capacity to change the way you see your partner AND your relationship. It’s perfect for couples who have conversations that either escalate or don’t ever seem to get resolved.

Continue Reading I’ve struggled with this too!

Moment by Moment / Grace and Gratitude

Just a simple reminder on how well you’re doing.

Those anxious moments you had a year ago are gone.

The problem was either resolved or it faded into the background. Something you live with but no longer think of as urgent.

Today there are other issues – for sure!

And, knowing you can get through every single overwhelming moment makes it easier to see what’s real.

When we give our attention to the important stuff instead of the panic within, we learn to build a cycle of goodness.

Continue Reading Moment by Moment / Grace and Gratitude

When Conversations Go Off The Rails – Bad Things Happen

Can you relate? It happens to all of us.

It’s that moment in your relationship when things are great and suddenly someone gets triggered.

The conversation goes off the rails and your partner makes NO sense.

Communication goes in circles and you both feel frustrated, hurt and confused.

Intuitively you know it’s a negative loop – one that’s almost impossible to stop.

You’ve been here 100 times before and you want to stop it………. but you can’t

You’d love to get your point across. But, what you want MOST is to be heard and understood.

Sometimes you’re left wondering what the heck the argument was even about.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

These negative cycles are UNIVERSAL and every couple has them.

Continue Reading When Conversations Go Off The Rails – Bad Things Happen

Registration is open and I’m super excited!

I’m thrilled to announce that Early Bird Registration (big savings!) is open for our 2019 Hold Me Tight® Workshops here in Charlotte, NC.

We have four 2-day weekends to choose from!

 

Yep. I’m that excited.

Most of us value our primary relationship and truly want to make it better – we read books and spend hours scouring the internet wondering how to make that special connection happen.

We carefully and regularly attend to our…

  • children
  • careers
  • cars
  • yards
  • mortgages and
  • home improvement projects

with LOTS of success.

But if you work your tail off and can’t figure out why things aren’t getting better between you and your partner — you are not alone.

(HINT: this is not something we’re taught in school. And people rarely recognize emotional closeness as a skill worth building and cultivating. Turns out, it’s as essential as oxygen!)

Make no mistake – the ability for a couple to have enough closeness and trust to have an important conversation (or any conversation for that matter!) without slipping into a negative spin – is a must-have for 21st century relationships.

And that’s exactly what you’ll learn in our Hold Me Tight® Workshop for Couples.

After 2 days and 7 conversations, you’ll walk away with concrete ways to communicate and pull your partner closer.

Talking, listening and being heard for the first time in a loooooong time is exactly what you’ll experience.

Click here and select the date that works for you……

Continue Reading Registration is open and I’m super excited!

Do you desire your partners attention? Join us…

If you kick back now and then to reflect, you know almost everything in your world is good.

You’re successful by any standards. You have wonderful people in your life, a nice home, cars and plenty of toys.

Life works and most days you’re happy.

Sometimes you might feel over extended, criticized or exhausted and what you need MOST is to connect with your partner.

The challenge is getting their attention….. effectively…. without slipping into an argument or negative spin.

And while you don’t expect perfection, at the end of the day, when you’re out of public view you know things can be better.

You are prepped and ready to experience our amazing…

Hold Me Tight® Workshop for Couples

2 Days / 7 Conversations / September 29 & 30

It’s our final workshop of the year and the perfect opportunity to carve out “time for us” while getting up close and personal with the ONE you love.

I have lots of powerful relationship information to share and I provide plenty of safe, structured space for conversations YOU want and cannot seem to have at home.

Best of all – there is NO public disclosure.

Every conversation is between you and your partner ONLY.

Any time you need coaching, you can call on me or one of the extraordinary relationship consultants who will be in the room with me. But only if you want it!

Act now. It’s our final workshop of the year. You can get more information and secure your seat here:

TheWellnessCounselingCenter.com/hmt

Or, you can call us at 704-319-5593 where our client support team is happy to help and answer any questions you might have.

Join us in 2018 for a Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop

Maybe things have been perking along between you for years…. and they still are.

But recently, you’ve noticed things changing and you feel a shift calling you toward a deeper connection. If you want a close intimate partnership….. and you’ll settle for nothing less…. this is your invitation.

It’s time to peek behind the curtain and explore what’s possible.

We’re getting ready for our new couples workshop starting in January and I hope you’ll join me there.

It’s a wonderful way to start the new year and this workshop is designed especially for people like you who want more out of their relationship.

If you’ve ever asked the question: What’s the ONE thing that would make life easier? The answer is usually pretty simple but hard to implement.

Hold Me Tight Couples WorkshopThis Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop provides you with new perspectives on love and the world of relationship. It’s interactive and will give you and your partner fresh insight and tools you need to shape a loving bond and a closer connection.

Continue Reading Join us in 2018 for a Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshop