Couples Counseling Articles

Truth

Communication, Creativity and Contradictions

Reading any news headline makes me think deeply about the source of turmoil.

We can pretend things will get back to normal soon.

We can tell ourselves that our lives and the world are not forever changed. 

We can continue the exhausting human habit of resisting pain and bracing ourselves for (mostly) imaginary disaster.

We can even continue to relate to each other as before; tiptoeing around the under-currents of anger and tension. 

We have a choice; we can hold back or we can speak up. 

What keeps us from speaking up at home AND in the world, I believe, is fear. 

It also prevents us from loving well.

The moment we recognize our emotions as the organizing principle of truth and we’re willing to speak them out loud…..

We’re inclined to take more risks and make a ruckus.

That’s when our relationships are transformed.

Spoiler alert – speaking our emotions is not the same as venting, blaming, criticizing or acting out.

Rather, it’s a courageous and messy process brimming with creativity, communication and contradiction. 

One way or another, it seems we’re all headed in the direction of more truth-telling.

Either we embrace the shift or we keep doing things the old way.

Isn’t it good to know we have a choice?

Are You Over, Under or With?

Partnership is reciprocal. It’s a two way street. You talk, play, listen and engage with a partner.

Control is another matter. You are either under someone’s control or you apply control over them.

We live in a culture that endorses freedom, and at the same time, teaches people to seek out and admire the powerful. We reward powerful teachers, coaches, CEOs, celebrities and authority figures who tell us what to do. Not always consciously. It’s just the way it is. Familiar and easy.

Until it seeps into our intimate relationships and we find ourselves over or under. But not with. Blaming. Accusing. Defending. Insisting. Do it this way. Not that way. How could you? Why would you? You should…… You shouldn’t……

Continue Reading Are You Over, Under or With?

The Relationship We Create

We say we want tenderness…

but display toughness instead.

We say we want closeness and affection…

but give the cold shoulder or ask for space.

We say we want the truth…

and then bristle, cry or shut the other person down when what we hear differs from our point of view.

Continue Reading The Relationship We Create

3 Tips To Help You Avoid Painful Communication Mistakes

Making just a few small shifts in your communication patterns can be very powerful in connecting with others. Great communication skills help you:

  • avoid conflict.
  • get what you want.
  • improve relationships.
  • make it easier for people to hear you and understand you.Communication

Verbal and non-verbal communication allows humans to relate in ways that deepen relationships and create connection. The better you communicate the more profound and fulfilling your relationships become.

Continue Reading 3 Tips To Help You Avoid Painful Communication Mistakes