Couples Counseling Articles

shame

After The Argument

Relationships don’t fall apart because of an argument. You and your partner both know mistakes happen. It’s what happens after the argument that can undermine your love for each other. How we repair the injury caused by our blunders is what matters most. That’s where the world of possibility lies.

If you’re available, responsive and engaged and you’re able to stay with your lover’s pain, a door opens to the possibility of building a partnership that’s even stronger than before. It creates a ripple effect that flows into other relationships and supports everyone around you – especially children.

More often than not, we’re focused on not making mistakes. We spend a life-time walking on eggshells and filled with so much shame and blame that we forget about the emotional labor of showing up and staying the course.

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Fierce Love, Fear, Failure and Relationship

Fierce love craves vulnerability. It’s messy and feels dangerous.

We fear it …. and shield our hearts while hiding in neat and tidy safe zones.

Fear is human. It’s OK. It’s normal and runs deep inside us.

Fear protected our ancestors and kept them alive.

Today, when fear comes over us….and it happens in a nano-second….we all have the same reaction: fight, flight or freeze.

These feelings amplify when we face failure in our relationship.

To cope, we deny the feelings or try to control them.

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Are You Feeling Stuck? Start a Movement

Humans have the capacity to see the world through a whimsical lens or a weighty one. As a result, feelings usually ebb and flow. But sometimes… I can get stuck – I mean really, really stuck.Get Unstuck

It’s a universal human experience and happens to everyone.

Stuck-ness creeps in without warning and… when it does…. it reigns supreme and colors everything.

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The Cost of Facing Truth

Distressed couples rarely seek out truths that disturb the status quo of their relationship. Blaming is so much easier. Blaming sooths us and lets us off the hook.

“It’s not me. It’s you.” accusing-pointing

On some level it works.

Couples maintaining the status quo of distress get caught in a two-step dance…. and they’re skillful at it.

Usually, one person pushes and prods for closeness. The other withdraws… certain that more engagement will generate more distress…This creates distance… and other person pushes and prods for closeness again.

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