Couples Counseling Articles

Counseling

Love and Loneliness

Creating emotional balance and safety in a topsy-turvy world seems impossible some days.

Intuitively, we know love, attention and connection are are key; everywhere present and scarce at the same time.

So we seek it. Crave it. Demand it.

While the essence of it all might just be about mastering how to give and receive it.

What we believe matters… now more than ever.

Moment by Moment / Grace and Gratitude

Just a simple reminder on how well you’re doing.

Those anxious moments you had a year ago are gone.

The problem was either resolved or it faded into the background. Something you live with but no longer think of as urgent.

Today there are other issues – for sure!

And, knowing you can get through every single overwhelming moment makes it easier to see what’s real.

When we give our attention to the important stuff instead of the panic within, we learn to build a cycle of goodness.

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Do You Want to Make Life Better and Easier?

I’ve always been amazed at how much easier life can be when you have a supportive partner and a great relationship. At least that’s the way it is for most people and, YES, you can have that in YOUR life!

Recently we’ve had a ton of inquiries about our 1-Day Couples Intensives and we always make it a point to be straight-up and let people know who’s best suited for them.

The Wellness 1-Day Couples Intensive may be a perfect fit for you if:

  • You’re a busy couple
  • You live locally
  • You love each other and want things to be better (Not necessarily perfect; just better.)
  • You’re ready to take that huge and courageous first step
  • You like the idea of walking away at the end of the day with homework and a clear vision of what’s next

The 1-Day Couples Intensive covers 4-5 weeks of couples therapy in one day, completes our assessment/discovery phase and primes you for ongoing work with one of our amazing, caring therapists.

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Star Stuff and Love

We dream of stability and permanence. What shows up is confusion and paradox.

Sometimes being in an intimate relationship means choosing between compromise/conformity and taking a powerful stand for uniqueness instead; two people on separate and individual journeys – together.

One is riskier and means moving from what we know to what we don’t know.

Kind of like when the ancients suspected that Earth was not the fixed center, and was moving at unimaginable speed beneath their feet. It took thousands of years to prove this theory and in 1929, Edwin Hubble, established that we live in an ever expanding Universe.

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Are You Over, Under or With?

Partnership is reciprocal. It’s a two way street. You talk, play, listen and engage with a partner.

Control is another matter. You are either under someone’s control or you apply control over them.

We live in a culture that endorses freedom, and at the same time, teaches people to seek out and admire the powerful. We reward powerful teachers, coaches, CEOs, celebrities and authority figures who tell us what to do. Not always consciously. It’s just the way it is. Familiar and easy.

Until it seeps into our intimate relationships and we find ourselves over or under. But not with. Blaming. Accusing. Defending. Insisting. Do it this way. Not that way. How could you? Why would you? You should…… You shouldn’t……

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A Better Option

It seems there’s a contradiction built into our instinct to take; the more we do it, the less we get.

Sharing is another option and leads to a much better outcome.

Crushing your partner in an argument rarely feels good. Most of us would rather weave words together – in ways that find common ground.

A person without safety, lives in fear. A singer without a voice can’t perform. And if you’re the only one talking, your partner will disappear.

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Can’t We Just Move On?

In relationships, it seems we find a temporary respite… once we figure out how to move away from an anxious moment.

We take the feeling and tuck it, stuff it, ignore it, shove it down, swallow it, absorb it, compartmentalize it, internalize it, pretend it doesn’t apply, hurt or matter.

We skillfully stiffen and blame……

Look the other way to keep from facing fears we don’t even acknowledge… or have words for.

And thanks to brilliant coping mechanisms, electronic devices, social media, 18 hour work days and a hyper-connected culture of friends… we can distract ourselves indefinitely. We call it… moving on.

But we don’t move on. Ever.

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The Best Thing I Never Told My Husband

Some of my best thoughts come to me while in an airport security line or on the tarmac just before take-off OR on my morning walk.

They’re generous, complimentary and carry a sense of appreciation.

Inevitably, I don’t have a pen handy, my phone’s at the bottom of my purse and I’m not at my laptop.

So I make a mental note — Remember to tell Steven XYZ… I think it through, even rehearse it under my breath… and then it’s gone. I forget.

That thought, that wonderful big-hearted thought… the one that could be a gigantic gift and make his day, goes unsaid.

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