Couples Counseling Articles

Frustration

Creating a Place For Peace

Most relationships end up pretty far from where they start out.

Life dishes out lots of challenges, speed bumps and misunderstandings. But when partners persist and are open to change, they can create a safe space for peace and connection.

This doesn’t mean we lead a problem-free life. Rather, life’s challenges can bring us closer and allow us to share what may sometimes feel like a heavy load.

This perspective – leaning into difficult situations together and without struggle – also allows things to untangle in ways that may seem unfamiliar.

Often, the problem is how we relate to each other in everyday challenges and unknowingly step into negative cycles that disconnect us from peace and the people we love.

We humans work hard to get away from rather ordinary yet uncomfortable feelings and situations.

It could be something as simple as being annoyed or hurt by a partner’s comment and leaving the room as frustration bubbles up. Anything to get away and stop those awful feelings.

It takes only a fraction of a second for your brain to interpret the comment and weave a story around it.

In fact, your brain might weave another story around the situation…and then another, and another…making the situation in your mind even more vivid while your frustration turns to rage.

You might be able to tuck it away for a while but sometimes it’s too late and the tension boils over.

If you’re super creative, you’ll find new ways to self-soothe and try to hang in there until things blow over.

But they don’t blow over. Not really. And they don’t go away.

They go underground and linger until the next annoying comment fires up your brain and the negative cycle starts all over again.

Uh Oh! Here We Go Again

03-08-15ArticleYou know it’s coming. The dreaded argument. Not with anyone but with the person you love the most in the world.

It’s happened before and it’s happening again.

Something’s triggered your internal alarm system.

Maybe it’s the way s/he moves, a tone of voice, a facial expression.

It can be as subtle as a single word.

It’s real. It’s powerful. It feels like a trap. Sometimes it feels like quicksand and you vow not to get sucked in. Not this time.

But before you finish the thought – it touches a raw spot in you the size of Texas.

In one split second everything inside collapses or bubbles up in frustration, confusion and anger.

This moment of vulnerability is in all of us and we will do just about anything to avoid it; ignore, get busy, leave, defend, work late – build walls around our hearts.

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