Couples Counseling Articles

Couple

After The Argument

Relationships don’t fall apart because of an argument. You and your partner both know mistakes happen. It’s what happens after the argument that can undermine your love for each other. How we repair the injury caused by our blunders is what matters most. That’s where the world of possibility lies.

If you’re available, responsive and engaged and you’re able to stay with your lover’s pain, a door opens to the possibility of building a partnership that’s even stronger than before. It creates a ripple effect that flows into other relationships and supports everyone around you – especially children.

More often than not, we’re focused on not making mistakes. We spend a life-time walking on eggshells and filled with so much shame and blame that we forget about the emotional labor of showing up and staying the course.

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Flashback and Gratitude

coupleDo you remember ‘When Harry Met Sally’?

This classic film came to mind as I returned to Charlotte, right after the recent Paris attacks.

I was over concerned about airport security that morning and got to my gate way too early. Fortunately, I noticed a Starbucks across the way and felt some relief as I walked over to have a cup of coffee.

The line was atrocious and snaked around the corner so I took a seat at the bar and kept an eye out for a possible break.

That’s when two people slid onto the stools next to me and settled in with their carry-ons.

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Putting On a Show

I’m not sure it even has a name but the term couples use most often is ‘Putting On a Show.”

When it happens, it’s discouraging and misunderstood.

No one plans to argue in the car, then walk into an event as the ‘Perfect Couple’ and then resume the argument the moment you walk out the door.

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It makes sense that you would want to show your best side to others; neighbors, friends, family and sometimes – perfect strangers.

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