Distressed couples rarely seek out truths that disturb the status quo of their relationship. Blaming is so much easier. Blaming sooths us and lets us off the hook.
“It’s not me. It’s you.” 
On some level it works.
Couples maintaining the status quo of distress get caught in a two-step dance…. and they’re skillful at it.
Usually, one person pushes and prods for closeness. The other withdraws… certain that more engagement will generate more distress…This creates distance… and other person pushes and prods for closeness again.
