Couples Counseling Articles

Judgement

Relationship Tools May Seem Important

Relationship tools seem important….

Yet, the essence of relating lies in non-judgmental curiosity.

This is a new idea for most of us and it’s simple but not easy.

It points to heart-centered listening.

When we learn to practice this approach with a heart-centered attitude, our relationship takes care of itself.

This clear concept can be written down in a few sentences and covers a lifetime.

It’s the seed for empathy, compassion and connection.

Relating is not so much about using tools to figure things out, rather it’s in how you approach the relationship itself.

When you show up curious and willing to observe with an open mind, things start to shift.

You show up moment by moment ensuring that you are not trying to change or control anyone or anything.

A little clumsy at first, you start to refine your approach and your attitude.

You withhold judgment and criticism (even the kind you consider constructive).

You observe yourself and stay present.

There will be challenges every day and some days will be easier than others.

You will have disagreeable conversations and have to work through them.

But over time, relating to your partner with curiosity becomes the new normal.

Together you explore, create new experiences, get comfortable and your relationship starts to change.

When It’s Time To Repair

When you drop a glass on the kitchen floor it’s not confusing because you know it’s broken and you know what to do.

You sweep it up carefully and throw it away.

It’s not so clear when things deteriorate slowly…especially with big ticket items like your house or car.  You have to pay attention and you’ll need knowledge and wisdom to assess the situation.

You’ll also have to use judgement and decide when and how to make repairs.

This is true for relationships too….and everything else that matters.