Couples Counseling Articles

Engagement

On Generosity

Whether thinking about what you’re going to do today, or for the rest of your life – generosity is a great place to start.

It’s different than tolerance which allows or endures.

Generosity is kind in spirit.

It leads to happiness and engagement in a world that appears increasingly unhappy and disconnected. 

Generosity requires effort and self-trust such that you can take your mind off yourself and your problems long enough to be present and see someone else’s pain.

​​​​​​​It takes guts and willingness to be generous.

It also takes emotional labor; enough that you’ll stay in the game when the biggest part of you wants to shut down and walk away. 

A Better Option

It seems there’s a contradiction built into our instinct to take; the more we do it, the less we get.

Sharing is another option and leads to a much better outcome.

Crushing your partner in an argument rarely feels good. Most of us would rather weave words together – in ways that find common ground.

A person without safety, lives in fear. A singer without a voice can’t perform. And if you’re the only one talking, your partner will disappear.

Continue Reading A Better Option

The A.R.E. Trilogy: Accessible. Responsive. Engaged.

Lasting love (attraction, affection, communication, intimacy etc.) isn’t about just one thing. It’s really about three.

Accessibility: Accessibility is simply ‘Are you available?’ Can your partner reach you even when you’re upset or feeling insecure. When you start to spin, can you make sense of your emotions? Can you express yourself and share in ways that don’t blame, accuse or hold your partner responsible for the spin you’re in? When you’re spinning, you’re disconnected from yourself AND your partner.. If the spin stops, you can determine what’s going on inside. You can reconnect and tune in.

Continue Reading The A.R.E. Trilogy: Accessible. Responsive. Engaged.

Simple Holiday Love

‘Everything should be made as simple as possible but not simpler’.

Einstein’s quote is a head scratcher until you think of a popular and much loved recipe.

Considering the season, let’s take a look at my favorite, Chocolate Chip Cookies.

Whittle Martha Stewart’s complicated recipe down to a few basic ingredients, and you can make it as simple as possible;

check-redflour

check-redsugar

Continue Reading Simple Holiday Love

Are You Practicing Radical Self-Care?

Last week I met up with a friend and mentioned I was having a ‘Barbara Anne Day’. She was confused so I explained:

Barbara Anne is my full name — AND — I set aside one Saturday a month for a Barbara Anne Day. That’s when I turn my kindness floodlight inward, slow way down and practice 24 hours of Radical Self-Care.

Continue Reading Are You Practicing Radical Self-Care?