Couples Counseling Articles

Challenges

Relationship Tools May Seem Important

Relationship tools seem important….

Yet, the essence of relating lies in non-judgmental curiosity.

This is a new idea for most of us and it’s simple but not easy.

It points to heart-centered listening.

When we learn to practice this approach with a heart-centered attitude, our relationship takes care of itself.

This clear concept can be written down in a few sentences and covers a lifetime.

It’s the seed for empathy, compassion and connection.

Relating is not so much about using tools to figure things out, rather it’s in how you approach the relationship itself.

When you show up curious and willing to observe with an open mind, things start to shift.

You show up moment by moment ensuring that you are not trying to change or control anyone or anything.

A little clumsy at first, you start to refine your approach and your attitude.

You withhold judgment and criticism (even the kind you consider constructive).

You observe yourself and stay present.

There will be challenges every day and some days will be easier than others.

You will have disagreeable conversations and have to work through them.

But over time, relating to your partner with curiosity becomes the new normal.

Together you explore, create new experiences, get comfortable and your relationship starts to change.

It’s been a tough year…

Yes. It’s been a tough year and here we are!

We’re well into November and it’s finally time to acknowledge the launch of the 2018 Holiday Season. (Delicious, stressful, merry and expensive!)

I get it….the big box stores started their holidays in August but we’re less than 60 days till the end of the year…..and it’s mind boggling how fast it all goes.

For me, 2018 has been a year filled with extraordinary growth AND extraordinary challenges. If it’s been that way for you too, I understand.

All year, one little phrase has kept me moving forward. I borrowed it from someone with a very wise mother…. (who said it often). It’s a phrase I journal, say to myself and say out loud, to anyone who needs encouragement….. the kind it takes to keep moving forward.

EVERYTHING is figure-out-able.

No doubt….you’re doing a lot. You’ve got a ton to be grateful for. And… you’re maneuvering through some BIG challenges.

If one of those challenges is relationship conflict, it may be time to take a closer look at how things work. Those difficult situations don’t come out of ‘the blue.’

They exist to teach us what we need to know in order to grow and love more deeply. Loving well will teach you (and your partner) how to be more of who you really are.

YOU are the very essence of Love. It’s who you are. You are also smarter and stronger than you realize. And you have what it takes to figure things out. (That doesn’t mean you have to do it alone!)

Continue Reading It’s been a tough year…

Flashback and Gratitude

coupleDo you remember ‘When Harry Met Sally’?

This classic film came to mind as I returned to Charlotte, right after the recent Paris attacks.

I was over concerned about airport security that morning and got to my gate way too early. Fortunately, I noticed a Starbucks across the way and felt some relief as I walked over to have a cup of coffee.

The line was atrocious and snaked around the corner so I took a seat at the bar and kept an eye out for a possible break.

That’s when two people slid onto the stools next to me and settled in with their carry-ons.

Continue Reading Flashback and Gratitude