Wellness Counseling Center

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Couples Counseling Articles

Argument

When Conversations Go Off The Rails – Bad Things Happen

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Can you relate? It happens to all of us.

It’s that moment in your relationship when things are great and suddenly someone gets triggered.

The conversation goes off the rails and your partner makes NO sense.

Communication goes in circles and you both feel frustrated, hurt and confused.

Intuitively you know it’s a negative loop – one that’s almost impossible to stop.

You’ve been here 100 times before and you want to stop it………. but you can’t

You’d love to get your point across. But, what you want MOST is to be heard and understood.

Sometimes you’re left wondering what the heck the argument was even about.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

These negative cycles are UNIVERSAL and every couple has them.

Continue Reading When Conversations Go Off The Rails – Bad Things Happen

Do you desire your partners attention? Join us…

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If you kick back now and then to reflect, you know almost everything in your world is good.

You’re successful by any standards. You have wonderful people in your life, a nice home, cars and plenty of toys.

Life works and most days you’re happy.

Sometimes you might feel over extended, criticized or exhausted and what you need MOST is to connect with your partner.

The challenge is getting their attention….. effectively…. without slipping into an argument or negative spin.

And while you don’t expect perfection, at the end of the day, when you’re out of public view you know things can be better.

You are prepped and ready to experience our amazing…

Hold Me Tight® Workshop for Couples

2 Days / 7 Conversations / September 29 & 30

It’s our final workshop of the year and the perfect opportunity to carve out “time for us” while getting up close and personal with the ONE you love.

I have lots of powerful relationship information to share and I provide plenty of safe, structured space for conversations YOU want and cannot seem to have at home.

Best of all – there is NO public disclosure.

Every conversation is between you and your partner ONLY.

Any time you need coaching, you can call on me or one of the extraordinary relationship consultants who will be in the room with me. But only if you want it!

Act now. It’s our final workshop of the year. You can get more information and secure your seat here:

TheWellnessCounselingCenter.com/hmt

Or, you can call us at 704-319-5593 where our client support team is happy to help and answer any questions you might have.

After The Argument

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Relationships don’t fall apart because of an argument. You and your partner both know mistakes happen. It’s what happens after the argument that can undermine your love for each other. How we repair the injury caused by our blunders is what matters most. That’s where the world of possibility lies.

If you’re available, responsive and engaged and you’re able to stay with your lover’s pain, a door opens to the possibility of building a partnership that’s even stronger than before. It creates a ripple effect that flows into other relationships and supports everyone around you – especially children.

More often than not, we’re focused on not making mistakes. We spend a life-time walking on eggshells and filled with so much shame and blame that we forget about the emotional labor of showing up and staying the course.

Continue Reading After The Argument

If You Can’t Name It Or Claim It… You Can’t Change It

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It doesn’t help to tell your partner how much you hurt or what a disappointment they’ve been unless you’re willing to look at the whole picture.

They’ll take it as an attack and fight back with an argument or they’ll shut down. None of that works.

You can’t have a real conversation with your partner until you can agree on what happens between you. You’ve got to be willing to look at the data.

Ah-ha moments come with new insights. By seeing patterns… and recognizing how we effect each other when we dismiss, blame, criticize and ignore.

Without exploring what’s really happening, it’s impossible to accomplish much.

After all, when we don’t like what’s happening, it’s easiest to blame somebody else. “It’s not me, it’s you…” Then you’re off the hook.

Continue Reading If You Can’t Name It Or Claim It… You Can’t Change It

A Better Option

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It seems there’s a contradiction built into our instinct to take; the more we do it, the less we get.

Sharing is another option and leads to a much better outcome.

Crushing your partner in an argument rarely feels good. Most of us would rather weave words together – in ways that find common ground.

A person without safety, lives in fear. A singer without a voice can’t perform. And if you’re the only one talking, your partner will disappear.

Continue Reading A Better Option

Putting On a Show

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I’m not sure it even has a name but the term couples use most often is ‘Putting On a Show.”

When it happens, it’s discouraging and misunderstood.

No one plans to argue in the car, then walk into an event as the ‘Perfect Couple’ and then resume the argument the moment you walk out the door.

07-26-14

It makes sense that you would want to show your best side to others; neighbors, friends, family and sometimes – perfect strangers.

Continue Reading Putting On a Show

Are You Stuck in a Downward Spiral?

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happy-mature-coupleLook in the dictionary and the word ‘stuck’ has many meanings. Here’s one:

To be at a standstill.
To become fastened, hindered,
checked, or stationary by
some obstruction.

It’s hard to imagine, but for distressed couples, the biggest obstruction is a negative pattern they know is there but can’t change. People almost always refer to it as a loop, a cycle or a downward spiral.

The biggest indicator that you’re in a downward spiral is a recurring argument that starts slowly at first and usually gets ignored or shoved under the rug.

When that spiral gets momentum, it shreds your relationship and sooner or later you and your partner…..loving people who once felt safe and secure….suddenly feel distant and defensive.

You build walls around your heart and wonder – How did this happen to us?

Couples usually try to strike bargains; asking, negotiating, even demanding that the other person change. If you would just do this…then I’ll to do that…. for example.

Problem is, bargains don’t work and the cycle has you both locked in a pattern of negative emotions, thoughts and behaviors……

Demands and promises turn out to be a set up for disappointment and almost always make matters worse.

What drives this villainous pattern? FEAR

F-false
E-evidence
A-appearing
R-real

couple-fireIt’s a challenge to acknowledge fear at first but once you see it – you can’t NOT see it anymore. And once you see it, you can feel it, talk about it….even do something about it. That’s when everything starts to change.

There’s a shift happening and change is in the air. This might be a great time to take a look around and see how you might be stuck.

Everybody fears something.

What do you fear?

 

 

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