Your sweetie asks you to get him/her a soda… with ice…
You say, “Sorry, Babe, I can’t do that. I love you to the moon and back, and here’s the deal: I just sat down. I’ve had a full day, I’m really tired, need a break and I’ve got to rest. So, if you want that drink, you’ll have to get it yourself. And if I’m totally honest, I’d love it if you brought me one too.”
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying ‘NO’ to someone you love.
The idea is… I love you… You matter to me and here’s what’s going on in my world… right now. This is what I’m willing to do. This is what I’m unwilling to do…and I need your cooperation.
It’s clear and unambiguous.
Here’s another possibility…
Your sweetie asks you to get him/her a soda, with ice… and a slice of lime. You say, “Sure! Happy to do that! In fact, I was thinking about getting one myself. Is there anything else you need or something I can do to help make you comfy?”
It’s another perfect response.
The important thing is to recognize that each partner has the right to ASK …and being of service is a CHOICE.
Here’s what’s not OK…
Seriously? You want me to get you something to drink? I’ve had a full day too, you know. Alright…I’ll do it, but next time, you’ll have to get it yourself.