Couples Counseling Articles

A Relationship Check-Up In Six Questions

happy-couple01-25It’s risky to check-in and reflect on an intimate relationship because when it’s good, it’s very good. You don’t want to rock the boat.

When it’s bad, all you want to do is fix, hide or move on and hope things get better soon.

If you step back for a minute, these six simple questions will provide a panoramic view of your relationship.

What is its purpose and does it guide you?

Love is essential and love is grand yet not enough. A 21st century relationship also needs purpose to survive.

Who is in it?

Is it you and your partner? Or does an outside party echo through the relationship?

What is the model?

Have you ever witnessed or lived a strong, happy, loving, long-term, committed relationship? You know, the kind you want to have?

Are you there?

In those iffy and unsettling moments, when things get wobbly between you….. are you available? Responsive? Engaged?

Do others want what you have?

Not what they think you have, but what you really have…. when you come home and the door closes behind you.

Is this person / this relationship important to you?


The big idea here is not that every question needs a perfect answer. The intention is to generate curiosity and summon courage because underneath all the murkiness, is joy.

An intimate relationship is a dance and getting the steps right takes practice. If you experience a sense of urgency, just know, the closeness you’re looking for is unlikely to happen in a single conversation.

Don’t give up. If you care, I mean really, really care be prepared to step on each other’s toes for a little while as you engage in countless conversations. Then watch as tenderness and appreciation emerge.