When you drop a glass on the kitchen floor it’s not confusing because you know it’s broken and you know what to do.
You sweep it up carefully and throw it away.
It’s not so clear when things deteriorate slowly…especially with big ticket items like your house or car. You have to pay attention and you’ll need knowledge and wisdom to assess the situation.
You’ll also have to use judgement and decide when and how to make repairs.
This is true for relationships too….and everything else that matters.
In relationships, it seems we find a temporary respite… once we figure out how to move away from an anxious moment.
We take the feeling and tuck it, stuff it, ignore it, shove it down, swallow it, absorb it, compartmentalize it, internalize it, pretend it doesn’t apply, hurt or matter.
We skillfully stiffen and blame……
Look the other way to keep from facing fears we don’t even acknowledge… or have words for.
And thanks to brilliant coping mechanisms, electronic devices, social media, 18 hour work days and a hyper-connected culture of friends… we can distract ourselves indefinitely. We call it… moving on.
But we don’t move on. Ever.
I’ve created Couples & Coffee, a 3-part workshop designed to provide some new perspectives on the world of relationship. The first 2 evenings are for women and we’ll be inviting men to join us for the 3rd evening.
You already know attracting a partner, shaping a relationship and loving your life is a tall order. But how do you create an environment that nurtures and nourishes a relationship? And in this hyper-active world, how do you make space for love to thrive?
Couples & Coffee is a very special conversation about having the courage to pause, try something new and approach your relationship in a playful, non-threatening way that’s still full of respect and integrity.
Relationships don’t come with guarantees.
Love is a spiritual experience; an opportunity for growth.
Partners who nurture their relationship cultivate freedom and talent.
Paradoxically, the relationship expands as they grow closer.
Lasting love (attraction, affection, communication, intimacy etc.) isn’t about just one thing. It’s really about three.
Accessibility: Accessibility is simply ‘Are you available?’ Can your partner reach you even when you’re upset or feeling insecure. When you start to spin, can you make sense of your emotions? Can you express yourself and share in ways that don’t blame, accuse or hold your partner responsible for the spin you’re in? When you’re spinning, you’re disconnected from yourself AND your partner.. If the spin stops, you can determine what’s going on inside. You can reconnect and tune in.
Your sweetie asks you to get him/her a soda… with ice…
You say, “Sorry, Babe, I can’t do that. I love you to the moon and back, and here’s the deal: I just sat down. I’ve had a full day, I’m really tired, need a break and I’ve got to rest. So, if you want that drink, you’ll have to get it yourself. And if I’m totally honest, I’d love it if you brought me one too.”
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying ‘NO’ to someone you love.
Some of my best thoughts come to me while in an airport security line or on the tarmac just before take-off OR on my morning walk.
They’re generous, complimentary and carry a sense of appreciation.
Inevitably, I don’t have a pen handy, my phone’s at the bottom of my purse and I’m not at my laptop.
So I make a mental note — Remember to tell Steven XYZ… I think it through, even rehearse it under my breath… and then it’s gone. I forget.
That thought, that wonderful big-hearted thought… the one that could be a gigantic gift and make his day, goes unsaid.
With new beginnings, it’s good to be clear on what you value.
But, the power is always in your questions.
You can ask; what’s fast, cheap and easy?
Or you can ask:
Do you remember ‘When Harry Met Sally’?
This classic film came to mind as I returned to Charlotte, right after the recent Paris attacks.
I was over concerned about airport security that morning and got to my gate way too early. Fortunately, I noticed a Starbucks across the way and felt some relief as I walked over to have a cup of coffee.
The line was atrocious and snaked around the corner so I took a seat at the bar and kept an eye out for a possible break.
That’s when two people slid onto the stools next to me and settled in with their carry-ons.