Helping People Connect
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
We say we want tenderness…
but display toughness instead.
We say we want closeness and affection…
but give the cold shoulder or ask for space.
We say we want the truth…
and then bristle, cry or shut the other person down when what we hear differs from our point of view.
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
Loving is not the same as longing.
Love is a verb….and an art form.
Like a muscle that must be used or a dance that must be danced, love gets stronger….better with practice.
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
‘Everything should be made as simple as possible but not simpler’.
Einstein’s quote is a head scratcher until you think of a popular and much loved recipe.
Considering the season, let’s take a look at my favorite, Chocolate Chip Cookies.
Whittle Martha Stewart’s complicated recipe down to a few basic ingredients, and you can make it as simple as possible;
flour
sugar
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
Some couples spend an enormous amount of energy trying to get their partner to comply.
You know it’s happening when the ‘shoulding’ starts.
You shouldn’t load the dishwasher that way.
You should be happy I loaded it.
Your apology doesn’t sound sincere. You should say it like this….
Continue Reading The Huge Gap Between Should-ing and Share-ing
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
Like most folks, you probably thought having a safe, secure base and being dependent on another human being should be limited to parents and children.
Growing up, you were probably taught, explicitly or implicitly, that the most desirable option for any self-respecting adult was independence; that needing someone… relying on someone… and needing reassurance was a sure sign of weakness.
Fortunately, there’s a new paradigm emerging and the science is clear.
It turns out, effective, healthy and mutual dependence is an extraordinary advantage in life.
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
The books arrived!
And, we’re excited about gifting this extraordinary relationship tool to our scheduled clients during the month of May.
We’re doing this because we understand that when someone you love is stressed or overwhelmed, you want to help and may not know how.
A well-intentioned word or attempt to fix the problem can be misunderstood and then …
it’s downhill from there. If you and your partner get caught in a negative cycle, the argument can go on for hours….sometimes days. Its a painful way to live.
Enter, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, 
a wonderful book that helps couples understand their negative cycle. It brings insight and logic to the world of emotions and supports your work with us.
Continue Reading For Your Relationship Toolbox – Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
When you think about the relationship you truly desire, you might think…We don’t have time for that.
I read a blog recently that reminded me of the way I think about time. Then, as I listened to clients, I realized the issue is too important to keep to myself. I was going to have to write about it.
Here are just a few of the things we all say and do around time:
The kids take up all our time.
Who has the time?
Maybe we’ll do it next time.
Time passed us by.
We run out of time.
We don’t take the time.
Relationships take too much time.
We race against time.
We borrow time,
save time
use time,
spend time
and
waste time.
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
Humans have the capacity to see the world through a whimsical lens or a weighty one. As a result, feelings usually ebb and flow. But sometimes… I can get stuck – I mean really, really stuck.
It’s a universal human experience and happens to everyone.
Stuck-ness creeps in without warning and… when it does…. it reigns supreme and colors everything.
