Helping People Connect
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
Just a simple reminder on how well you’re doing.
Those anxious moments you had a year ago are gone.
The problem was either resolved or it faded into the background. Something you live with but no longer think of as urgent.
Today there are other issues – for sure!
And, knowing you can get through every single overwhelming moment makes it easier to see what’s real.
When we give our attention to the important stuff instead of the panic within, we learn to build a cycle of goodness.
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
Relationships don’t fall apart because of an argument. You and your partner both know mistakes happen. It’s what happens after the argument that can undermine your love for each other. How we repair the injury caused by our blunders is what matters most. That’s where the world of possibility lies.
If you’re available, responsive and engaged and you’re able to stay with your lover’s pain, a door opens to the possibility of building a partnership that’s even stronger than before. It creates a ripple effect that flows into other relationships and supports everyone around you – especially children.
More often than not, we’re focused on not making mistakes. We spend a life-time walking on eggshells and filled with so much shame and blame that we forget about the emotional labor of showing up and staying the course.
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
I hope your holiday season was a wonderful one!
In 2018, my team and I look forward to helping you create a new vision of what’s possible – in life and in LOVE.
As a therapist and founder of Wellness Counseling Center, I’ve had the privilege of working with thousands of couples over the years.
This year, I’ve decided to share more LOVE by facilitating workshops, speaking and teaching the amazing model we use here at Wellness.
There is a shift happening in the world of relationships.
And, these radically new concepts about attachment and connection belong in the hands of people who want to be close and make their relationship better!
Deep down, it’s no surprise that communication is the #1 presenting issue with most couples.
The real question is why has it become THE MOST important skill you can learn when it comes to marriage and relationship success?
Continue Reading Conversations Can Create Emotional Connection
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
It depends.
Before we can even begin to evaluate the worth of a good relationship, it’s important to understand what’s at stake.
The answers aren’t always clear in the near term.
But we’ve learned a few things over time.
If you want to know how valuable a good relationship is, the Harvard Study is a great resource.
It started in 1938, is still going on, included only men (Harvard wasn’t coed at the time) and now includes wives, children and grandchildren.
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
It used to be easy to choose a chocolate bar. Sectioned milk chocolate in a brown wrapper. Done.
Today it’s more complicated and choosing a chocolate bar has consequences – real or perceived.
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
It seems there’s a contradiction built into our instinct to take; the more we do it, the less we get.
Sharing is another option and leads to a much better outcome.
Crushing your partner in an argument rarely feels good. Most of us would rather weave words together – in ways that find common ground.
A person without safety, lives in fear. A singer without a voice can’t perform. And if you’re the only one talking, your partner will disappear.
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
When you drop a glass on the kitchen floor it’s not confusing because you know it’s broken and you know what to do.
You sweep it up carefully and throw it away.
It’s not so clear when things deteriorate slowly…especially with big ticket items like your house or car. You have to pay attention and you’ll need knowledge and wisdom to assess the situation.
You’ll also have to use judgement and decide when and how to make repairs.
This is true for relationships too….and everything else that matters.
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
In relationships, it seems we find a temporary respite… once we figure out how to move away from an anxious moment.
We take the feeling and tuck it, stuff it, ignore it, shove it down, swallow it, absorb it, compartmentalize it, internalize it, pretend it doesn’t apply, hurt or matter.
We skillfully stiffen and blame……
Look the other way to keep from facing fears we don’t even acknowledge… or have words for.
And thanks to brilliant coping mechanisms, electronic devices, social media, 18 hour work days and a hyper-connected culture of friends… we can distract ourselves indefinitely. We call it… moving on.
But we don’t move on. Ever.
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
Relationships don’t come with guarantees.
Love is a spiritual experience; an opportunity for growth.
Partners who nurture their relationship cultivate freedom and talent.
Paradoxically, the relationship expands as they grow closer.
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
Some of my best thoughts come to me while in an airport security line or on the tarmac just before take-off OR on my morning walk.
They’re generous, complimentary and carry a sense of appreciation.
Inevitably, I don’t have a pen handy, my phone’s at the bottom of my purse and I’m not at my laptop.
So I make a mental note — Remember to tell Steven XYZ… I think it through, even rehearse it under my breath… and then it’s gone. I forget.
That thought, that wonderful big-hearted thought… the one that could be a gigantic gift and make his day, goes unsaid.
