Helping People Connect
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
Some couples spend an enormous amount of energy trying to get their partner to comply.
You know it’s happening when the ‘shoulding’ starts.
You shouldn’t load the dishwasher that way.
You should be happy I loaded it.
Your apology doesn’t sound sincere. You should say it like this….
Continue Reading The Huge Gap Between Should-ing and Share-ing
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
Look in the dictionary and the word ‘stuck’ has many meanings. Here’s one:
To be at a standstill.
To become fastened, hindered,
checked, or stationary by
some obstruction.
It’s hard to imagine, but for distressed couples, the biggest obstruction is a negative pattern they know is there but can’t change. People almost always refer to it as a loop, a cycle or a downward spiral.
The biggest indicator that you’re in a downward spiral is a recurring argument that starts slowly at first and usually gets ignored or shoved under the rug.
When that spiral gets momentum, it shreds your relationship and sooner or later you and your partner…..loving people who once felt safe and secure….suddenly feel distant and defensive.
You build walls around your heart and wonder – How did this happen to us?
Couples usually try to strike bargains; asking, negotiating, even demanding that the other person change. If you would just do this…then I’ll to do that…. for example.
Problem is, bargains don’t work and the cycle has you both locked in a pattern of negative emotions, thoughts and behaviors……
Demands and promises turn out to be a set up for disappointment and almost always make matters worse.
What drives this villainous pattern? FEAR
F-false
E-evidence
A-appearing
R-real
It’s a challenge to acknowledge fear at first but once you see it – you can’t NOT see it anymore. And once you see it, you can feel it, talk about it….even do something about it. That’s when everything starts to change.
There’s a shift happening and change is in the air. This might be a great time to take a look around and see how you might be stuck.
Everybody fears something.
What do you fear?
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
The books arrived!
And, we’re excited about gifting this extraordinary relationship tool to our scheduled clients during the month of May.
We’re doing this because we understand that when someone you love is stressed or overwhelmed, you want to help and may not know how.
A well-intentioned word or attempt to fix the problem can be misunderstood and then …
it’s downhill from there. If you and your partner get caught in a negative cycle, the argument can go on for hours….sometimes days. Its a painful way to live.
Enter, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, 
a wonderful book that helps couples understand their negative cycle. It brings insight and logic to the world of emotions and supports your work with us.
Continue Reading For Your Relationship Toolbox – Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
You’re grateful for the blessings in your life. 
Still, the holidays probably took a toll because family issues, spending, rich foods, alcohol and all that running around — send the best of us into overdrive!
Maybe you find yourself irked that someone didn’t come thru for you or upset that you didn’t pull off the perfect Christmas – again.
You are not alone! Conflict and exhaustion are normal results of holiday frenzy and by January things can look bleak.
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
Humans are generally happiest when their intimate
relationships go well and they’re distressed when they don’t.
It’s not unusual to get anxious or depressed enough to seek help.
Back in the day, old-school thinking propelled individuals into counseling for three basic reasons…
1) We wanted someone (other than family) to understand our situation and tell us what to do.
2) We wanted to clear our head and get our act together BEFORE getting into another relationship.
3) We sent our partner to therapy so they could get their act together!
Continue Reading The #1 Tool You Need to Fix Your Relationship
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
Last week I met up with a friend and mentioned I was having a ‘Barbara Anne Day’. She was confused so I explained:
Barbara Anne is my full name — AND — I set aside one Saturday a month for a Barbara Anne Day. That’s when I turn my kindness floodlight inward, slow way down and practice 24 hours of Radical Self-Care.
