Couples Counseling Articles

Partner

If You Can’t Name It Or Claim It… You Can’t Change It

It doesn’t help to tell your partner how much you hurt or what a disappointment they’ve been unless you’re willing to look at the whole picture.

They’ll take it as an attack and fight back with an argument or they’ll shut down. None of that works.

You can’t have a real conversation with your partner until you can agree on what happens between you. You’ve got to be willing to look at the data.

Ah-ha moments come with new insights. By seeing patterns… and recognizing how we effect each other when we dismiss, blame, criticize and ignore.

Without exploring what’s really happening, it’s impossible to accomplish much.

After all, when we don’t like what’s happening, it’s easiest to blame somebody else. “It’s not me, it’s you…” Then you’re off the hook.

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Tapping Into Generosity

You can’t expect much from a person who’s hurting or in crisis. Someone who’s drowning isn’t going to offer up a cocktail or ask about your day.

They’re in a panic and focused on keeping their head above water.

Generosity requires space and attention.

Stepping back. Tuning in.

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Are You Over, Under or With?

Partnership is reciprocal. It’s a two way street. You talk, play, listen and engage with a partner.

Control is another matter. You are either under someone’s control or you apply control over them.

We live in a culture that endorses freedom, and at the same time, teaches people to seek out and admire the powerful. We reward powerful teachers, coaches, CEOs, celebrities and authority figures who tell us what to do. Not always consciously. It’s just the way it is. Familiar and easy.

Until it seeps into our intimate relationships and we find ourselves over or under. But not with. Blaming. Accusing. Defending. Insisting. Do it this way. Not that way. How could you? Why would you? You should…… You shouldn’t……

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It’s The Communication, Cupid!

Most couples want to improve their communication. And, now more than ever, it’s good to be precise.

Clear, unambiguous language is better than expecting people to interpret your gestures, read your mind or guess what you want.

When you ask for what you need from the creative and powerful stance of vulnerability, tenderness and love, your partner can hear you.

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A Better Option

It seems there’s a contradiction built into our instinct to take; the more we do it, the less we get.

Sharing is another option and leads to a much better outcome.

Crushing your partner in an argument rarely feels good. Most of us would rather weave words together – in ways that find common ground.

A person without safety, lives in fear. A singer without a voice can’t perform. And if you’re the only one talking, your partner will disappear.

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Join us for a 3-Part Workshop – Couples & Coffee – Right here in Charlotte

I’ve created Couples & Coffee, a 3-part workshop designed to provide some new perspectives on the world of relationship. The first 2 evenings are for women and we’ll be inviting men to join us for the 3rd evening.

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You already know attracting a partner, shaping a relationship and loving your life is a tall order. But how do you create an environment that nurtures and nourishes a relationship? And in this hyper-active world, how do you make space for love to thrive?

Couples & Coffee is a very special conversation about having the courage to pause, try something new and approach your relationship in a playful, non-threatening way that’s still full of respect and integrity.

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Special Requests? No Problem.

Your sweetie asks you to get him/her a soda… with ice…

You say, “Sorry, Babe, I can’t do that. I love you to the moon and back, and here’s the deal:  I just sat down. I’ve had a full day, I’m really tired, need a break and I’ve got to rest. So, if you want that drink, you’ll have to get it yourself. And if I’m totally honest, I’d love it if you brought me one too.”

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying ‘NO’ to someone you love.

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Simple Holiday Love

‘Everything should be made as simple as possible but not simpler’.

Einstein’s quote is a head scratcher until you think of a popular and much loved recipe.

Considering the season, let’s take a look at my favorite, Chocolate Chip Cookies.

Whittle Martha Stewart’s complicated recipe down to a few basic ingredients, and you can make it as simple as possible;

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Putting On a Show

I’m not sure it even has a name but the term couples use most often is ‘Putting On a Show.”

When it happens, it’s discouraging and misunderstood.

No one plans to argue in the car, then walk into an event as the ‘Perfect Couple’ and then resume the argument the moment you walk out the door.

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It makes sense that you would want to show your best side to others; neighbors, friends, family and sometimes – perfect strangers.

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