Couples Counseling Articles

Normal

New Normals Will Come and Go

Just for today, I’m unwilling to listen to noise about the new normal.

In normal times, most of us forget we’re even there.

We’re on autopilot and rarely give normal a second thought until a new normal wants to take over.

First, we protest. Then we problem-solve and adjust….over and over again.

That’s what we do and humans are really, really good at it.

We are natural-born problem solvers. And you could say, we take normal for granted until it’s gone.

Taking things for granted may seem like a harsh term…. especially at a time when people are searching for security and stability.

But step-by-step we know how to connect, share, problem solve and make change happen.

It takes focus and energy. And sometimes…. it takes an intervention.

Still, it seems important to remind ourselves.

Because it’s easy to forget the miracles and the smallest normals that make our lives extraordinary.

For example,

You swallow about 2,000 times a day or once every 30 seconds on average….

Blink about 14,000 times per day and touch your face 16 times per hour, on average.

All virtually invisible to us….

until we try not to blink, swallow….

or touch our face.

What’s It Worth?

What’s an extraordinary relationship worth?

It’s worth a lot to some people but what is it worth to you?

We know the definition of the word love and we all have an idea of what a relationship ‘should’ be.

We also know what normal looks like. It’s what happens when two people get together, do things and make a pledge.

But connection is rare. It’s when we show up whole, experience the harmony of opposites and surprise ourselves in unexpected ways. It’s an experience beyond normal.

Connection isn’t loud. It creates a kind of tension that buzzes. It’s disruptive and calming at the same time. It unnerves us and feels scary as it breaks through the status quo. It’s full of power, yet has nothing to do with power-over. It changes both people; the giver and the recipient.

Continue Reading What’s It Worth?

Fierce Love, Fear, Failure and Relationship

Fierce love craves vulnerability. It’s messy and feels dangerous.

We fear it …. and shield our hearts while hiding in neat and tidy safe zones.

Fear is human. It’s OK. It’s normal and runs deep inside us.

Fear protected our ancestors and kept them alive.

Today, when fear comes over us….and it happens in a nano-second….we all have the same reaction: fight, flight or freeze.

These feelings amplify when we face failure in our relationship.

To cope, we deny the feelings or try to control them.

Continue Reading Fierce Love, Fear, Failure and Relationship