Couples Counseling Articles

Love

Moment by Moment / Grace and Gratitude

Just a simple reminder on how well you’re doing.

Those anxious moments you had a year ago are gone.

The problem was either resolved or it faded into the background. Something you live with but no longer think of as urgent.

Today there are other issues – for sure!

And, knowing you can get through every single overwhelming moment makes it easier to see what’s real.

When we give our attention to the important stuff instead of the panic within, we learn to build a cycle of goodness.

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When Conversations Go Off The Rails – Bad Things Happen

Can you relate? It happens to all of us.

It’s that moment in your relationship when things are great and suddenly someone gets triggered.

The conversation goes off the rails and your partner makes NO sense.

Communication goes in circles and you both feel frustrated, hurt and confused.

Intuitively you know it’s a negative loop – one that’s almost impossible to stop.

You’ve been here 100 times before and you want to stop it………. but you can’t

You’d love to get your point across. But, what you want MOST is to be heard and understood.

Sometimes you’re left wondering what the heck the argument was even about.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

These negative cycles are UNIVERSAL and every couple has them.

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Registration is open and I’m super excited!

I’m thrilled to announce that Early Bird Registration (big savings!) is open for our 2019 Hold Me Tight® Workshops here in Charlotte, NC.

We have four 2-day weekends to choose from!

 

Yep. I’m that excited.

Most of us value our primary relationship and truly want to make it better – we read books and spend hours scouring the internet wondering how to make that special connection happen.

We carefully and regularly attend to our…

  • children
  • careers
  • cars
  • yards
  • mortgages and
  • home improvement projects

with LOTS of success.

But if you work your tail off and can’t figure out why things aren’t getting better between you and your partner — you are not alone.

(HINT: this is not something we’re taught in school. And people rarely recognize emotional closeness as a skill worth building and cultivating. Turns out, it’s as essential as oxygen!)

Make no mistake – the ability for a couple to have enough closeness and trust to have an important conversation (or any conversation for that matter!) without slipping into a negative spin – is a must-have for 21st century relationships.

And that’s exactly what you’ll learn in our Hold Me Tight® Workshop for Couples.

After 2 days and 7 conversations, you’ll walk away with concrete ways to communicate and pull your partner closer.

Talking, listening and being heard for the first time in a loooooong time is exactly what you’ll experience.

Click here and select the date that works for you……

Continue Reading Registration is open and I’m super excited!

Do You Want to Make Life Better and Easier?

I’ve always been amazed at how much easier life can be when you have a supportive partner and a great relationship. At least that’s the way it is for most people and, YES, you can have that in YOUR life!

Recently we’ve had a ton of inquiries about our 1-Day Couples Intensives and we always make it a point to be straight-up and let people know who’s best suited for them.

The Wellness 1-Day Couples Intensive may be a perfect fit for you if:

  • You’re a busy couple
  • You live locally
  • You love each other and want things to be better (Not necessarily perfect; just better.)
  • You’re ready to take that huge and courageous first step
  • You like the idea of walking away at the end of the day with homework and a clear vision of what’s next

The 1-Day Couples Intensive covers 4-5 weeks of couples therapy in one day, completes our assessment/discovery phase and primes you for ongoing work with one of our amazing, caring therapists.

Continue Reading Do You Want to Make Life Better and Easier?

What Are You Creating?

For as long as I can remember, most people I know fell in love and started creating the wedding. Who and how many to invite? Find the right venue. Live music or DJ? What kind of food and when do we taste the cake? Get these questions answered then swing into action.

The profits around organizing and implementing weddings are huge. It’s an industry that’s not going away. Just a quick Google search reveals there are more than 2.5 million weddings in the US annually valued at well over $50 billion. Yes. Billion.

Today, there’s a new kind of creating going on.

Over time, it’s likely to have more dominance and prestige because you cannot buy or duplicate it: Creating an intimate partnership that works.

How do we create an intimate partnership where we are doing great things AND still accessible, responsive and emotionally engaged with each other?

How do we show up in relationship in ways that serve our partner AND the world?

Happy couples of the future, the ones that want to be close 20 years from now, are asking these questions. If you’re aspiring to a happy 20+ year marriage, consider organizing an intimate partnership.

If you’re planning an average life by working harder, longer hours and making more money to build a bigger house, consider the alternative: gifting your partner and humanity with your brilliance.

After The Argument

Relationships don’t fall apart because of an argument. You and your partner both know mistakes happen. It’s what happens after the argument that can undermine your love for each other. How we repair the injury caused by our blunders is what matters most. That’s where the world of possibility lies.

If you’re available, responsive and engaged and you’re able to stay with your lover’s pain, a door opens to the possibility of building a partnership that’s even stronger than before. It creates a ripple effect that flows into other relationships and supports everyone around you – especially children.

More often than not, we’re focused on not making mistakes. We spend a life-time walking on eggshells and filled with so much shame and blame that we forget about the emotional labor of showing up and staying the course.

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What’s It Worth?

What’s an extraordinary relationship worth?

It’s worth a lot to some people but what is it worth to you?

We know the definition of the word love and we all have an idea of what a relationship ‘should’ be.

We also know what normal looks like. It’s what happens when two people get together, do things and make a pledge.

But connection is rare. It’s when we show up whole, experience the harmony of opposites and surprise ourselves in unexpected ways. It’s an experience beyond normal.

Connection isn’t loud. It creates a kind of tension that buzzes. It’s disruptive and calming at the same time. It unnerves us and feels scary as it breaks through the status quo. It’s full of power, yet has nothing to do with power-over. It changes both people; the giver and the recipient.

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Tapping Into Generosity

You can’t expect much from a person who’s hurting or in crisis. Someone who’s drowning isn’t going to offer up a cocktail or ask about your day.

They’re in a panic and focused on keeping their head above water.

Generosity requires space and attention.

Stepping back. Tuning in.

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Fierce Love, Fear, Failure and Relationship

Fierce love craves vulnerability. It’s messy and feels dangerous.

We fear it …. and shield our hearts while hiding in neat and tidy safe zones.

Fear is human. It’s OK. It’s normal and runs deep inside us.

Fear protected our ancestors and kept them alive.

Today, when fear comes over us….and it happens in a nano-second….we all have the same reaction: fight, flight or freeze.

These feelings amplify when we face failure in our relationship.

To cope, we deny the feelings or try to control them.

Continue Reading Fierce Love, Fear, Failure and Relationship

It’s The Communication, Cupid!

Most couples want to improve their communication. And, now more than ever, it’s good to be precise.

Clear, unambiguous language is better than expecting people to interpret your gestures, read your mind or guess what you want.

When you ask for what you need from the creative and powerful stance of vulnerability, tenderness and love, your partner can hear you.

Continue Reading It’s The Communication, Cupid!