Couples Counseling Articles

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If You Can’t Name It Or Claim It… You Can’t Change It

It doesn’t help to tell your partner how much you hurt or what a disappointment they’ve been unless you’re willing to look at the whole picture.

They’ll take it as an attack and fight back with an argument or they’ll shut down. None of that works.

You can’t have a real conversation with your partner until you can agree on what happens between you. You’ve got to be willing to look at the data.

Ah-ha moments come with new insights. By seeing patterns… and recognizing how we effect each other when we dismiss, blame, criticize and ignore.

Without exploring what’s really happening, it’s impossible to accomplish much.

After all, when we don’t like what’s happening, it’s easiest to blame somebody else. “It’s not me, it’s you…” Then you’re off the hook.

Continue Reading If You Can’t Name It Or Claim It… You Can’t Change It

Are You Over, Under or With?

Partnership is reciprocal. It’s a two way street. You talk, play, listen and engage with a partner.

Control is another matter. You are either under someone’s control or you apply control over them.

We live in a culture that endorses freedom, and at the same time, teaches people to seek out and admire the powerful. We reward powerful teachers, coaches, CEOs, celebrities and authority figures who tell us what to do. Not always consciously. It’s just the way it is. Familiar and easy.

Until it seeps into our intimate relationships and we find ourselves over or under. But not with. Blaming. Accusing. Defending. Insisting. Do it this way. Not that way. How could you? Why would you? You should…… You shouldn’t……

Continue Reading Are You Over, Under or With?

Please Say Yes!

How you tune in is how you Love.

You can take that as a statement, a suggestion or the opportunity of a lifetime.

How you tune in is how you live.

Can you stay present when you see pain in her eyes?

Can you hear her gasp for your tenderness?

Can you feel his pain when a good man says, I don’t know how to make you happy?

Only by tuning in. Observing. Honoring the longing.

Continue Reading Please Say Yes!