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Couples Counseling Articles

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Is It Worth It?

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It depends.

Before we can even begin to evaluate the worth of a good relationship, it’s important to understand what’s at stake.

The answers aren’t always clear in the near term.

But we’ve learned a few things over time.

If you want to know how valuable a good relationship is, the Harvard Study is a great resource.

It started in 1938, is still going on, included only men (Harvard wasn’t coed at the time) and now includes wives, children and grandchildren.

  • Close relationships keep us happy over time; significantly more so than money or fame.
  • Relationships and how happy we are in them has a powerful effect on our health.
  • Loneliness kills and is as dangerous to our health as smoking and alcoholism.

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Are You Over, Under or With?

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Partnership is reciprocal. It’s a two way street. You talk, play, listen and engage with a partner.

Control is another matter. You are either under someone’s control or you apply control over them.

We live in a culture that endorses freedom, and at the same time, teaches people to seek out and admire the powerful. We reward powerful teachers, coaches, CEOs, celebrities and authority figures who tell us what to do. Not always consciously. It’s just the way it is. Familiar and easy.

Until it seeps into our intimate relationships and we find ourselves over or under. But not with. Blaming. Accusing. Defending. Insisting. Do it this way. Not that way. How could you? Why would you? You should…… You shouldn’t……

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3 Steps To Turning Your Relationship Right Side Up – Again

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04-19-15articleAll long-term relationships have challenges and every now and then things can approach a tipping point. That’s a red flag – it’s time to reflect, take action and turn things right side up again.

People rarely want to leave their relationship. Most people want to figure things out. They want to make things better.

People ask; Is this possible? Can this / will this work? And mostly, the answer is YES!

When you’re looking for professional help it’s important to be an informed consumer. Approach the decision together; thoughtfully and collaboratively.

Here are three simple steps to guide you through the process of making a choice that is good for you AND good for your relationship:

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3 Things Happy Couples Do (Almost) Every Day

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3 Things Happy Couples Do (Almost) Every DayHappy couples aren’t perfect the way you might imagine. They fuss and disagree just like everyone else. What’s unique about these couples is that partners are able to step out of negative situations fairly quickly and they do it together. They don’t brood, attack or stonewall each other.

Partners are available and engaged in affirming ways. If there’s a misunderstanding or hurt feelings, they tend to the hurt rather than blame or defend. Partners are able to reach out, connect and repair even when things are difficult.

These aren’t sweeping gestures. They’re tiny, courageous acts of love that have huge impact and bring lovers close.

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For Your Relationship Toolbox – Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson

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The books arrived!

And, we’re excited about gifting this extraordinary relationship tool to our scheduled clients during the month of May.

We’re doing this because we understand that when someone you love is stressed or overwhelmed, you want to help and may not know how.

A well-intentioned word or attempt to fix the problem can be misunderstood and then …
it’s downhill from there. If you and your partner get caught in a negative cycle, the argument can go on for hours….sometimes days. Its a painful way to live.

Enter, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnsona wonderful book that helps couples understand their negative cycle. It brings insight and logic to the world of emotions and supports your work with us.

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We Would Love To Have Your Feedback

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flowersA friend popped by my office recently to say hello and drop off a bouquet of flowers – for no particular reason! She stayed only a minute reminding me that every act and every word hold the seed of possibility to change a person’s whole life – for better or worse.

The way we cultivate our relationships determines the life we get to live. Relationships give us direct and immediate feedback of who we are and how we show up in the world. Connection is the key for a great outcome.

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Love Power and Science

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I believe in Love.Love Power and Science

I believe in its power and I believe Love is a source for all-good.

I believe in Loves’ ability to heal.

It confuses and appears dangerous at times, yet it is vital to our physical and emotional well-being.

Everyone needs it, wants it, longs for it and will do just about anything to get it.

Isn’t it odd then, that in this millennium, an age of non-stop social interaction, nuclear fission and living in space stations…..the world knows precious little about Love?

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Searching for Connection

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Love and connection seem complicated and mysterious.Peaceful Happy Couple

With it, humans thrive. Without it – not so much.

Relationship distress is a little known and unacknowledged public health issue in the United States. As a culture, we don’t think of depression, anxiety and other health issues that way.

The good news is – relationship disconnect or insecure attachment – is rapidly becoming THE issue of the 21st century.

While a definitive answer to connection eludes us, last week, after years of research and collaboration, a groundbreaking study was released. It showed, for the first time, how the brain sees and responds to threat.

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