Couples Counseling Articles

Couples

If You Can’t Name It Or Claim It… You Can’t Change It

It doesn’t help to tell your partner how much you hurt or what a disappointment they’ve been unless you’re willing to look at the whole picture.

They’ll take it as an attack and fight back with an argument or they’ll shut down. None of that works.

You can’t have a real conversation with your partner until you can agree on what happens between you. You’ve got to be willing to look at the data.

Ah-ha moments come with new insights. By seeing patterns… and recognizing how we effect each other when we dismiss, blame, criticize and ignore.

Without exploring what’s really happening, it’s impossible to accomplish much.

After all, when we don’t like what’s happening, it’s easiest to blame somebody else. “It’s not me, it’s you…” Then you’re off the hook.

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It’s The Communication, Cupid!

Most couples want to improve their communication. And, now more than ever, it’s good to be precise.

Clear, unambiguous language is better than expecting people to interpret your gestures, read your mind or guess what you want.

When you ask for what you need from the creative and powerful stance of vulnerability, tenderness and love, your partner can hear you.

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The Relationship We Create

We say we want tenderness…

but display toughness instead.

We say we want closeness and affection…

but give the cold shoulder or ask for space.

We say we want the truth…

and then bristle, cry or shut the other person down when what we hear differs from our point of view.

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Join us for a 3-Part Workshop – Couples & Coffee – Right here in Charlotte

I’ve created Couples & Coffee, a 3-part workshop designed to provide some new perspectives on the world of relationship. The first 2 evenings are for women and we’ll be inviting men to join us for the 3rd evening.

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You already know attracting a partner, shaping a relationship and loving your life is a tall order. But how do you create an environment that nurtures and nourishes a relationship? And in this hyper-active world, how do you make space for love to thrive?

Couples & Coffee is a very special conversation about having the courage to pause, try something new and approach your relationship in a playful, non-threatening way that’s still full of respect and integrity.

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The Best Thing I Never Told My Husband

Some of my best thoughts come to me while in an airport security line or on the tarmac just before take-off OR on my morning walk.

They’re generous, complimentary and carry a sense of appreciation.

Inevitably, I don’t have a pen handy, my phone’s at the bottom of my purse and I’m not at my laptop.

So I make a mental note — Remember to tell Steven XYZ… I think it through, even rehearse it under my breath… and then it’s gone. I forget.

That thought, that wonderful big-hearted thought… the one that could be a gigantic gift and make his day, goes unsaid.

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The Relationship Dance

Sue Johnson, the world’s leading couples therapist and researcher talks about intimate relationship as a ‘dance that shapes and recreates the dancers’.

Relationship is about relating; ‘It’s a dance of synchrony requiring partners to improvise and tune in to each other’.

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For entertainment we watch movies where brilliant actors talk and pick up each other’s flawless cues.

They respond perfectly. Dreamily. Lovingly. That’s why we pay them $20 million a picture, after all.

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Sometimes Hope is Enough

I imagine some couples glide thru life and wake up cheerful every day. They agree on most issues, share everything, and use their energy in a perfectly harmonious division of duties. I’ve never met one of those couples but movies and magazines want us to believe they’re out there somewhere.

More human and more admirable is the couple who – when things are stressful – stumbles and struggles to find ways to reach for each other without blaming or defending, winning or losing. Those partners look for ways to understand and support. They lean into each other when the need is urgent; talk, hold hands or sit silently letting the other know ‘I’m here for you.’ That kind of warmth and reassurance takes courage especially when others would give up and walk away.

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3 Steps To Turning Your Relationship Right Side Up – Again

04-19-15articleAll long-term relationships have challenges and every now and then things can approach a tipping point. That’s a red flag – it’s time to reflect, take action and turn things right side up again.

People rarely want to leave their relationship. Most people want to figure things out. They want to make things better.

People ask; Is this possible? Can this / will this work? And mostly, the answer is YES!

When you’re looking for professional help it’s important to be an informed consumer. Approach the decision together; thoughtfully and collaboratively.

Here are three simple steps to guide you through the process of making a choice that is good for you AND good for your relationship:

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