Helping People Connect
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
You’re grateful for the blessings in your life. 
Still, the holidays probably took a toll because family issues, spending, rich foods, alcohol and all that running around — send the best of us into overdrive!
Maybe you find yourself irked that someone didn’t come thru for you or upset that you didn’t pull off the perfect Christmas – again.
You are not alone! Conflict and exhaustion are normal results of holiday frenzy and by January things can look bleak.
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
Love and connection seem complicated and mysterious.
With it, humans thrive. Without it – not so much.
Relationship distress is a little known and unacknowledged public health issue in the United States. As a culture, we don’t think of depression, anxiety and other health issues that way.
The good news is – relationship disconnect or insecure attachment – is rapidly becoming THE issue of the 21st century.
While a definitive answer to connection eludes us, last week, after years of research and collaboration, a groundbreaking study was released. It showed, for the first time, how the brain sees and responds to threat.
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
When you think about the relationship you truly desire, you might think…We don’t have time for that.
I read a blog recently that reminded me of the way I think about time. Then, as I listened to clients, I realized the issue is too important to keep to myself. I was going to have to write about it.
Here are just a few of the things we all say and do around time:
The kids take up all our time.
Who has the time?
Maybe we’ll do it next time.
Time passed us by.
We run out of time.
We don’t take the time.
Relationships take too much time.
We race against time.
We borrow time,
save time
use time,
spend time
and
waste time.
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
Making just a few small shifts in your communication patterns can be very powerful in connecting with others. Great communication skills help you:
Verbal and non-verbal communication allows humans to relate in ways that deepen relationships and create connection. The better you communicate the more profound and fulfilling your relationships become.
Continue Reading 3 Tips To Help You Avoid Painful Communication Mistakes
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
Humans are generally happiest when their intimate
relationships go well and they’re distressed when they don’t.
It’s not unusual to get anxious or depressed enough to seek help.
Back in the day, old-school thinking propelled individuals into counseling for three basic reasons…
1) We wanted someone (other than family) to understand our situation and tell us what to do.
2) We wanted to clear our head and get our act together BEFORE getting into another relationship.
3) We sent our partner to therapy so they could get their act together!
Continue Reading The #1 Tool You Need to Fix Your Relationship
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
Distressed couples rarely seek out truths that disturb the status quo of their relationship. Blaming is so much easier. Blaming sooths us and lets us off the hook.
“It’s not me. It’s you.” 
On some level it works.
Couples maintaining the status quo of distress get caught in a two-step dance…. and they’re skillful at it.
Usually, one person pushes and prods for closeness. The other withdraws… certain that more engagement will generate more distress…This creates distance… and other person pushes and prods for closeness again.
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
Human beings want to be valued and admired but creating a relationship
with other people in mind is a bad idea.
If you want your relationship to make others green with envy…
Rule #1: Don’t do it!
Building a relationship intended to
• satisfy someone else,
• ‘show’ someone,
• out-do someone or
• impress someone
ensures distress and unhappiness.
Continue Reading How To Create a Relationship Everyone Will Envy!
| By Anne Hancock, Psy.D.
People around me know how committed I am to keeping things simple. It’s not easy to do because things can get complicated really fast. Committed relationships can quickly become a tangled web of unhappiness when, really, they are remarkably simple and meant to bring us joy. Relationships teach us how to give and receive Love.
Continue Reading Caring Partners Know… Love is in The Simple Things
