In a world of collective uncertainty, most of us are starting to see the cracks in our relationships, our culture and ourselves.
We feel pressure yet we still hope our closest relationship ends in happily-ever-after…with some everyday happiness sprinkled in along the way.
And, while most of us aren’t expecting perfection or happiness 100% of the time, usually, somewhere along life’s journey, things get challenging and we start accepting painful, relationship chaos with a shrug.
“That’s just the way it is.” You might say.
“Suck it up and move on.”
“We’re busy people, after all”…and so we do…move on…sometimes for years.
We humans are brilliant at compartmentalizing emotions, pressing the reset button and ‘moving on’, so to speak.
Culturally, we may even see it as effective…a sign of strength…or confidence.
The underlying message is… maybe if I stand back and do nothing, things will get better.
Hope has a strong pull on us.
And while hope is important, we rarely see it as a less than optimal relationship strategy.
Hope can trap us into thinking things will improve over time…on their own…without the emotional labor required to expand the way we love, relate and communicate with each other.
So, when you’re ready to plant a seed of connection, take a moment, pause and ask yourself:
What do I truly want my relationship to look like / feel like?
Am I able to express that to my partner/friend/family member clearly; with generosity and without blame?
Drop the assumption “I’m trying…I’m doing everything…and they are the uncaring, unreasonable one.”
Look inward.
Consider dropping your demand for the kind of happiness that looks outward.
As the co-creator of every relationship you’ve ever been in…rather than examining how others show up for you…start by looking inward…and ask:
How do I imagine I show up in this relationship?
Then ask:
How do I actually show up?
